This Two Shall Pass

I have become a facebook addict, which has distracted me from writing on this blog. Facebook is just so darn easy and low maintainance to keep up with everyone and to post photos, and I have of course become addicted to the games on it, from playing Scrabble against my friends there to the many, many other games. I have always loved video games.

(Picture 1: Will while he was sick, holding the vacuum hose. He went through a little phase where the vacuum was his best friend.)

Will is two! His birthday was a success, although dampened by both me and him being sick. Just a few days before his birthday he woke up in the night with croup. I hauled him into the doctor, expecting to be patted on the head and told that these things just work themselves out, but apparently croup is nothing to mess with. The doctor perscribed a high dose of steroids to give him twice a day and tiny dose of an adult cough suppressant. I was surprised and dismayed to be giving Will drugs, which I have never done before outside of Tylenol. But you do what the doctor tells you, of course.

Will's response to the drugs was insane. His pupils got huge and he set out on a path of destruction that had me wondering whether it was the drugs or turning two. He was just always in trouble, going from one thing he wasn't supposed to be into to another. He was constantly in time out. He started taking off his clothes during naps and at night and peeing/pooping in his bed. I tried a number of things to keep his diaper on, and finally resorted to sewing his zipper to the top of his pajamas so he couldn't lower it. He stopped sleeping during the day, though he did pretty well at night once he finally conked out. He became obsessed with the vaporizer. His first and last words of the day were usually, "I touch the vaporizer? No, is hot. Is burn you. I kiss the vaporizer? No."

I was bewildered and exhausted by this new version of my child. He could make me feel completely undone. I took him to music class when he was no longer contagious. This is a fun little gathering of toddlers where we sing songs and play instruments. Will usually loves this class, but this time I could not get him to sit down in the circle. It was simply impossible. He went straight for the door to get out and would not be persuaded. It was really the first time that I actually had to leave a function because my child would not cooperate, and I was embarrassed, and on top of that I felt guilty, GUILTY, because I was embarrassed for myself and mad at him for putting me in that position.

(Picture 2: Will on Valentine's Day)

The effect of the drugs lasted much longer than his illness, which only really lasted a few days. But after about two weeks, thank the Lord, it was like a switch was flipped and Will went back to his normal routines and behavior.

The whole ordeal forced me to see myself in such a different light. It's funny that when I was pregnant with Will I wanted him to be a boy. I would have been okay with a girl but I really wanted a boy. Part of it, which you can actually read about on this blog from that time, was that I assumed that a girl would be like me: willful, independent, difficult. I also assumed that a boy would be like my brother: sweet, mellow, eager to please. Why I believed this I have no idea. What a shock then, to find that Will is like me. John and I joke that if we wanted an easy kid, we shouldn't have named him WILL. But I have to also remember, in this struggle of wills, that those qualities of character that make Will dificult at times are also going to be assets to him as an adult, as those same characteristics are to me. So I must take care not to crush those things out of him in my attempt to feel in control of the situation.

All that said, I want to also be sure to document this time with Will as hilarious and fun. He is so smart and quick and funny. It's been a hard month, sure, but also a good one. I love the person that he is, so thoughtful and curious and full of wonder. If he thinks it's cold, he will go get his blankie and put it on my lap. He also says thank you for every little thing I do for him, and I can see that he loves me, that I am the most important person to him. That is so good for me, and the other stuff, the difficult stuff, is good for me too.

(Picture 3: Will and my mom waking up)