The Sugar Trials

So last week I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. It has been difficult for me to admit this, because deep down I feel it as a failure of sorts. It's like being told I am a bad mother, already. I have been told over and over that it really has nothing to do with me, or with all the fruit and occasional goodies I was eating up to now. It is supposed to be the product of genetic disposition. But some part of me just believed that my body was at last proving to be unreliable. I was really shaken up for days, frightened, not wanting to eat very much of anything for fear that it would hurt the baby. I have lost about 4 pounds in the space of about 10 days, which I KNOW is not good for the baby during this key time.

Last Wednesday I went to a nutrition class for women with gestational diabetes. There were 7 or 8 other women there who had just been diagnosed, too. It was comforting that it was so common. I started to feel better immediately, as soon as I found out what I could eat, how much, and was given a monitor to check my blood sugar after meals. I don't mind the food thing-- it's not that hard to monitor your carbs and avoid sugar for 12 weeks. I don't even mind the blood monitoring, which I have to do 4 times a day. My fingers are starting to bruise on the ends from being poked so much. What I do mind is the extra layer of fear, the nagging feeling that even the smallest actions could have a negative effect on my baby.

A week from today I have an ultrasound, which I am really looking forward to. I will get to see my baby again! And, in spite of all of this, it is an exciting time. The baby will be here in 11 weeks, so soon, so soon!