3 Weeks

Today Will is 3 weeks old. It is crazy how quickly the time is passing, and how much he grows and changes from week to week. In this picture you can clearly see the butterfly shaped birthmark on his forehead, which turns bright red when he cries.

John has been out of town for the last day and night, interviewing for a job. I have a small taste of what being a single mom would be like, with no one here but the baby and me. So far we've been fine, but I can easily understand what a horrible strain it would be to be alone all the time, trying to feed him and comfort him around the clock with no breaks. Lately it has seemed like, if he's awake, Will wants to be held all the time. Today I broke down and bought a baby carrier so that I can move around and get things done and STILL hold him, but so far he is not in love with the carrier. He wants to look around, and the carrier forces him to stare at my collarbone.

He has had a few naps laying on my chest while I read a book. It feels so nice, having him there all warm and cozy, listening to him breathe and smelling his delightful little baby smell. And it is also good to lie in the quiet and read. But part of me also worries that from now on he's going to refuse to sleep unless he's snug on my chest.

The relative peace has been interrupted by short bouts of intense crying, usually around when he is eating. He'll act like someone is poking him with a pin, and I will feed him, burp him exhaustively, change his diaper, and he will continue to cry and look pitifully sad. I feel so bad for him. I know that babies cry; it's just part of their job. But sometimes there is something so weary and sad in his expression, like life is turning out to be so hard and so painful for him, and it just tugs at my heartstrings. Poor baby. Life is hard. I so want him to be happy and to enjoy his existence, and it is so hard to see him that way, so dejected.